Ideas for Remaining Relevant to Teens Part 1
Teens tell us that they want their parents in their lives. Parents frequently mistake rebellion for a message to “leave me alone.” In fact teens will frequently use that phrase to push against us. It is important to know that teens are pushing, not to push us away, but to make sure that we are there. Many teens say that they want to know what their parents think about the challenges kids face today. Sharing our wisdom and experience is how we remain relevant in their lives.
There are several ways we can do this.
Availability –
We need to be available to teens on their terms, not on our own. That means that they will talk to us when they are ready, not when we want them to. It might mean adjusting our sleep schedule, it definitely means more hanging out. It means making opportunities for hanging out in the kitchen, in the car, in the wee hours sometimes. It means that we don’t expect kids to answer our questions when we ask them, that they will answer them when we are likely least expecting it. The answers will come in dribs and drabs, and often indirectly. We become mystery solvers in our children’s world. It means we mute the outside world when they start to talk, and we have these conversations side-by-side, not face-to-face. Dimly lit rooms over a piece of pie and a glass of milk are perfect places to bump into a teen who is ready to talk. For these few short years we need to never be too tired to listen.
Respect --
We tell our children that we earn respect by giving respect. Make sure that you live that lesson as well. We quickly become irrelevant in our teens’ lives when we are disrespectful, when we treat them like children, when we are condescending. Teens reject authority for authority’s sake, and call it hypocrisy. We have much more right to expect respect when we can say “I treat you with respect, I expect the same in return.” Our teens know and understand this.
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