"Do you have a code word?" my son was asked by a buddy in Health Class. When he nodded his friend grinned and said "I do, too."
Schools are talking to kids about code words -- so have you and your teen established a code word? If you haven't you should.
Code words are the way in which our kids make everything their parents' fault. And we let them do it. Code words signal to us that our child wants to get out of a situation that is uncomfortable. And when we receive the code we move into our Meanest Mom or Dastardly Dad mode. Here's how Code Words work.
You and your teens talk about some situations that you know they can find themselves in. Our example was a shoplifting experience, totally fabricated, and certainly something our son didn't anticipate. Alcohol at parties is another good example. At the time, we used the word "Grandma". If he called me and said the word Grandma I knew it was time for me to get mean on the phone (cell phones are easily overheard) and insist that I would be picking him up in the next ten minutes. "No ifs, ands, or buts, young man! I'm coming to get you!"
When I do this, he saves face, and gets himself out of an uncomfortable situation. He can resist all he needs to, I get to be the mean one, and since they all know that I'm the strict one anyway, it comes as no surprise.
My sister updated our Code system. She and her son worked out a text message alert. We have since added it to our repertoire. I am on his phone list as Mom as well as with my first initial. He can text me either way, send the code, and I will call him with some sort of emergency to get him home.
If you didn't already know, there are e-mail codes between kids for Parents Over Shoulder (POS or 9) and the like. Use a code to help teens do the right thing. It just might be something they brag about.
Comments