Why are family
meals so important to teenagers?
Family meals provide teens with a sense of grounding and belonging. Family meals show kids that they are
important, that they matter to the fabric of the family and that they belong to
the family. Family meals offer a
sense of stability in a time in kids’ lives that often feels unstable. When we eat with our kids, we show them
that they are important to our lives and that what they say and do matters to
us. But researchers have
discovered more reasons to work hard at establishing a routine of family meals.
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published an article about the importance of family meals in protecting girls from alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana use. The article sites a study by researchers at the University of Minnesota that followed girls over five years starting in middle school. Researchers found that girls eating at least five meals per week were significantly less likely to use these substances. This protective factor was found even for girls who were not particularly close to their parents.
While the study is not finding the same protection for boys, family meals offer boys a place and space where they belong. Having a regular seat, or a favorite meal asserts that boys belong to the family and to the home. The expectation of family meals is a place where kids and parents know that they will meet. The family meal has been the mainstay of families around the world across centuries. Breaking bread together is a symbol of hospitality, generosity and peacefulness. The same is true in our families.
Many of us face challenges to family meals. Everything from picky eaters to sports schedules, music lessons to TV gets in the way of family dinners. But not all family meals have to be family dinners. Weekend breakfasts or brunches are a great way to not only get the family to sit down together, but often, these meals can offer everyone the opportunity to get involved in the preparation. Kids as young as three or four can help prepare the table, or take plates off the table. Teens can start to establish their own special brand of pancakes or ways of preparing the eggs. Lifetime memories develop from Dad's chocolate chip waffles or getting to squeeze the oranges even if you didn't like the orange juice.
Outside conflicts like sports can arise, but parents should be alert to protecting family time, as well. We established early on that Friday nights (our family night) would not be compromised by a Friday night 3rd grade basketball league. While Fridays have become more flexible as the boys get older, we still reject any regularly occurring Friday night commitments.
Family meals establish that the family is as important as outside pressures. Family meals show everyone in the family that their unit is strong enough to face the outside world.
You can find more information on this study at Join Together.
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