What do you do when your children are too old for a babysitter? More specifically what do you do when the adults in your home are heading out for the weekend, but the kids are staying home? Are teenaged kids to be trusted?
This is a topic we discuss with kids in school frequently. What do you do when your parents go away? Who has responsibility for the home? What happens when others find out that you are home alone?
Consider this, not long ago parents left their 16 year old at home alone on Homecoming weekend. Not surprisingly, this became the place to go for students who wanted to drink, but couldn't do so legally. Estimates vary, but one report has the number of kids in the home somewhere over 20. Kids drank, went to the Homecoming dance and promptly got sick, or were otherwise identified by school officials as drunk. Consequences followed, including the school and judicial system.
When faced with the option of leaving town, parents need to consider the risks and possible outcomes of leaving. One friend of mine trusted her boys, put back ups in place, and fortunately nothing unfortunate happened. How do you help insure that your home won't become the H.S. party house your weekend away?
First, understand that teens interpret "No Parties" very differently than we do. Parties, to them, are huge, with people stumbling around. Parties, to us, usually mean more than two people, eating and drinking and having fun. Our kids are often unprepared for how to send away crashers, and when students find out that the parents are away, they make a bee-line to your home, the party house.
Second, make sure that you have a clear conversation with your teen(s). Be sure to elaborate what your expectations are when you are not in town. List what your rules are, and discuss directly the possible consequences of kids "stretching" the rules. Make sure that you talk about potential outcomes your teen might not predict, like someone with who is very popular trying to use the house. What are your teen's possible responses?
When you are faced with the option of leaving teens home for a weekend, consider some of the following options.
Option 1: Don't Leave Home
While this may feel like a restrictive option, for many kids, parents at home is the only guarantee that the party won't move to your house. In addition, the risks of accidents, in general, on the weekend are significant. You want to be able to get home quickly in case anything goes wrong.
Option 2: Have A Grown-up Stay
Invite Grandparents, older cousins, a local teacher, an adult from your faith community, someone you trust, to stay with the kids at the house. If your teens are uncomfortable with having a "babysitter" help them to understand that there are other ways to explain the presence of a grown up in the house. Ultimately, though, you should explain that the choice is for their safety.
Option 3: Have Teens Stay With A Friend's Family
Some families have this as a trade-off opportunity. You watch theirs and they'll watch yours. Understand that when you have kids staying at a friend's house, the risks are not resolved. Several years ago 75 arrests occurred at a high school party in a nearby town. The host was a 10th grader who told the family he was staying with that he was going out to a movie with friends. He went home and used his key to open the door to roughly 100 friends and hope-to-be friends. The seniors in his school took real advantage. His parents thought they had done the right thing, and yet the party was on them.
Option 4: Talk to your neighbors
Let your neighbors know that you're headed out-of-town. Tell them that you want them to call the police if anything looks amiss. If your teen is staying at the house, you want people keeping an eye out. If your teen needs help, s/he should know that there are people she can call. If people start arriving, instruct her to call the neighbors or the police. If s/he doesn't, and you find out, there will be consequences.
Here's a tweak on the approach of "no parties" that worked for us the one time we did this - "no friends at the house." I didn't want to put the kids in the position of deciding what a "party" really was so we just put the rule out there as "you want to have fun with others - you go to someone else's house where there's a parent. If you're at home, you're alone." We also arranged sleepovers for one of the two nights we were gone. The house was still standing when we got home and all seemed well w/ the kids, so thus far in a study of one overnight - success!
Posted by: Account Deleted | November 18, 2008 at 09:46 AM