I recently spoke with parents in Arlington, VA about strategies for Talking to Teens About Touchy Topics. Because of my own work, there was more focus on alcohol and drugs. But lots of parents want to know how to talk to their kids about sex, and I didn't focus as much on that as I could have.
Talking about sex can be tough. It is important that our kids know our own thoughts and feelings about sex. As they reach adolescence we can't always wait for them to ask questions like they did when they were kids. We need to look for teachable moments that present themselves. Stories in the media are good opportunities to talk about this. Local stories or family talk can launch these conversations.
One thing I encourage parents not to say is "Wait until you are in love". Really? Have you ever met anyone more in love than a 16 year old, unless of course it's a 14 year old. Talking to kids about sex requires knowing what you want to say, and saying it, even when it's uncomfortable. It includes talking about the responsibilities of sex as well as the anatomy. It includes telling them what we want them to think about, despite what some of our own teen experiences might have been.
Remember that alcohol and sex are often tied together, for kids as well as adults. Girls tell us that they use alcohol to do things they wouldn't do when they are sober. Boys tell us they support one another in the use of alcohol to get girls to be sexually available to them. Half of the girls who have sexual intercourse by the age of 16 are intoxicated at the time and half later regret their action*.
Karen Rayne, a sex educator in Texas, has a great blog site, Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne. Read what she has to say to help you form your own ideas, and prepare for the multiple talks you will have with your teen.
*Stashwick, C. (2000). Teens trying drugs and alcohol. Contemporary Pediatrics 17(4), 45
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