Does it go without saying? -- Part 1

One of my students was raped at age 15 after drinking too much.  Her story is a cautionary tale.  She was going out with a boy she was wanting to impress.  He took her to a party and she tried to keep up with his drinking.  After he passed out, the host took advantage and raped her in another room.  She kept this secret to herself for many years.  Her first admission came much later, and her parents still don't know.  

You can guess why her parents don't know.  Most often, our teens fear our reactions when they have something serious to tell us.  If it is as a result of an unwise choice on their part, they fear a black and white response. (After all, this is how they most often judge one another.) They are afraid of our disappointment, or our outrage.  It is difficult for teens to imagine that we would have a compassionate response when, in fact, our greatest fear may have come true.  They fear our "I told you so!" remark or facial reaction.  They feel embarrassed and ashamed.

Have you told your children that even if things go wrong, you love and support them? Are you sure you have said this specifically, or do you think that, of course they know this.  Is there anything that will change your love for your child?  Tell the truth!  Our kids need us to be explicit. This is a perfect topic for a short drive or an after-dinner talk.  It has to come without a lecture, and it probably has to be repeated about once a year.  (You know how quickly they forget!)

More about how to talk about this in an upcoming blog. 

By the way.  Beach Week is coming up for some of your high school students.  If your child is already going, contact me, we have a booklet that includes planning information.  For more information about talking about Beach Week click here.