Key Concepts

College Kids @ Home

 A friend of mine called recently to mention a topic.  Her neighborhood is full of college kids returning for the summer.  She says that lots of them are drinking and doing it in the open with their parents.  

"They're saying, 'look we'll drink in the basement or we'll drink somewhere else!'" she tells me.  "Why," she asks "do they feel like they have to drink?"

Good question!  Some college kids drink when they hangout.  They do this, kids suggest, because it's what they do at college.  That's not the whole story.  Many college-aged kids don't drink, or don't drink often.  Many kids do it because they don't know what else to do.

There is also the risk of self-medication. It is not uncommon for teens and young adults to use alcohol to address depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues they face. (More on this in a couple of weeks.)

At the very least, it seems to me, that parents may want to talk to their college students about the topic.  Do parents have concerns about their kids' still developing brains?  Do parents want to make sure that drinking is not the default activity when these developing adults are bored?  Talk to kids about their perceived "limits" when they drink. College students often underestimate how much they drink, and how much is too much. Susie Bruce at the University of Virginia teaches parents of incoming freshmen that the developing young adult responds differently to alcohol than older adults in the following ways:   

 

 

• More sensitive to memory impairment
•  Easier to drink to brain impairment without realizing it.
• Faster development of tolerance
• Less sensitive to sedative effects 
• May be more vulnerable to long-term damage *

One last thing.  Parents should always keep in mind that they are still legally at risk if their kids' friends are drinking underage as guests in their homes.

 

*Source: H Scott Swartzwelder, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Psychology and Neuroscience, Duke University.  Research supported by NIAAA and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/13/AR2010071304399.html?hpid=sec-education 

Summer Chores: Getting things Done

 Teens like to have a purpose.  They also like to see the purpose in what they do.  Oh, and a lot of them like to take the summer OFF. It can create a dynamic tension.  Just remember, family chores are a great way to help teens find purpose and connection in a family.

There are smart ways to do this, and dumb ways to do this.  Often when we are tired or distracted we head down paths when we should know better.  One approach that almost never works is the traditional parent "because I said so!" position. And then there are the times when their resistance can make it easier to just do it ourselves.  Neither approach is helpful to our kids or our family.

Don't do what I did recently.  I got myself in a bind when I asked my son to help clean the kitchen.  He came up willingly and then asked what I wanted him to do.  I channelled most of the adults I know by saying "I want you to look around figure out what to do."  

"Mom," he said with exasperation in his voice, "why can't you just tell me what to do?"

I matched his exasperation with my own response and you probably know how it goes:  "Why can't you just look at what needs to be done?"  and it went steadily downhill from there.

Here's the thing.  Teens can't necessarily see what needs to be done.  Their brains don't work that way. Many boys, but not only boys, often need tasks to be chunked.  Checklists work for them, as does working side-by-side until the task is done.

Still there are lots of things to do to keep chores from getting exasperating.  We need to think things through if we want it to go smoothly.  Remember, we have the experience and expectations.  Here are some helpful hints from FamilyGoesStrong.com.  The Partnership for Children, Youth, and Families offers a few different ideas on their YouTube Channel.  Do you have others you would share?  Would you share a battle that resolved itself well?

In the meantime, stay cool and find good connections with your family!  

Good News -- Two Benefits

A couple of interesting articles about teenagers this week.

 First -- Teens and Sleep

Nurture Shock talks about it, Dr. Stixrud talks about it.  More and more neuropsychologists and other professionals are talking about the importance of SLEEP on the teenager's developing brain.  Check out this article in today's Washington Post. More evidence that teens brains don't work like grown-ups.

Arlington County, VA was one of the first school systems in the country to change their High School start time 10 years ago.  It just makes sense.  For more info on teens and sleep check out this information from the National Sleep Foundation.

Second --  Girls and Sports

Take a look at this short article talking about the long term benefits for teenage girls who are physically active.  Good news!