Teens like to have a purpose. They also like to see the purpose in what they do. Oh, and a lot of them like to take the summer OFF. It can create a dynamic tension. Just remember, family chores are a great way to help teens find purpose and connection in a family.
There are smart ways to do this, and dumb ways to do this. Often when we are tired or distracted we head down paths when we should know better. One approach that almost never works is the traditional parent "because I said so!" position. And then there are the times when their resistance can make it easier to just do it ourselves. Neither approach is helpful to our kids or our family.
Don't do what I did recently. I got myself in a bind when I asked my son to help clean the kitchen. He came up willingly and then asked what I wanted him to do. I channelled most of the adults I know by saying "I want you to look around figure out what to do."
"Mom," he said with exasperation in his voice, "why can't you just tell me what to do?"
I matched his exasperation with my own response and you probably know how it goes: "Why can't you just look at what needs to be done?" and it went steadily downhill from there.
Here's the thing. Teens can't necessarily see what needs to be done. Their brains don't work that way. Many boys, but not only boys, often need tasks to be chunked. Checklists work for them, as does working side-by-side until the task is done.
Still there are lots of things to do to keep chores from getting exasperating. We need to think things through if we want it to go smoothly. Remember, we have the experience and expectations. Here are some helpful hints from FamilyGoesStrong.com. The Partnership for Children, Youth, and Families offers a few different ideas on their YouTube Channel. Do you have others you would share? Would you share a battle that resolved itself well?
In the meantime, stay cool and find good connections with your family!
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