The Washington Post just published an article regarding relationship violence among college students. Almost half of the undergraduate students in the study report being involved in some sort of violence in relationships. This violence may have occurred before and/or during college. The article articulates the types of violent relationships I have heard about from my undergraduate students.
It's important to realize that this type of inter-relationship violence does not occur in a vacuum. More often than not, if you talk to the victims or offenders, alcohol is involved. Alcohol use reduces inhibitions putting victims in a more vulnerable position and increasing the likelihood that offenders will use violence to get what they want.
The tragedy here is that often victims will blame themselves because of their alcohol use. The offenders blame the victims, too. And this decreases not only the reports, but also the healing. Young people are ashamed to admit that they were victimized after using alcohol. They have nowhere to turn for fear that others will blame them, too.
Talk to your kids about inter-relationship violence. Let them know that you understand that it can happen and that the risk is increased when alcohol and drugs are introduced. Explain that using alcohol doesn't change the fact violence happened, and that someone was victimized. Talk non-judgmentally. Share that you hope that they know that you are a resource. Then, when they (or their friends) come to you, listen and provide a compassionate response. Help them find the resources to begin the healing. Most campuses (high school and college) have resources available through their counseling offices. Your community mental health centers and victims assistance centers are also good resources. Check out the accompanying tips for minimizing risk that were discussed in the Post article.
The more you talk to young people about this, the more aware they are of signs of potential violence. This helps protect them. It's great prevention. Watch for more to come regarding inter-relationship violence on a future page at KeyConceptForTeens.com.
